10 Life Lessons I Learned In College

Somehow it has been over a month since I graduated college. I remember people kept telling me how fast college would go by and honestly they were right. It feels like just yesterday I was moving into my triple dorm room AKA my mini prison cell. Since I’ve had quite a bit of time now to reflect on my overall college experience, I’ve started to think of some of the key lessons that I learned along the way. This definitely does not cover everything, but here are 10 of the most valuable lessons I took away from my time at UCLA:

1. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness

I was that girl that was absolutely terrified of going into office hours and chatting with my professors. If I needed help understanding an assignment or even problems I was facing in my own life, I always saw asking for help as being “weak.” However, I discovered that being vulnerable and asking a professor or a friend for advice is actually one of the bravest things you can do. When you ask someone for help, you’re showing them that you have enough strength and courage to reach out and take the next step toward bettering yourself. Humans aren’t meant to go through life alone and without any assistance. I so badly wanted to do everything myself that it hurt me even more. So once I took that first step and finally opened up to someone about what I was experiencing, it was like this giant weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I was even able to strengthen a lot of my relationships with people in my life by just opening up and being vulnerable to them about what I was going through.

2. Grades don’t determine anything about you

From a young age, I think we are conditioned to believe that grades are extremely important and that they determine your entire life path. For all of middle school and high school, several of my friends and I put this intense pressure on ourselves to have the most “perfect” grades possible. If I didn’t get straight A’s and a nearly perfect score on the SAT, in my mind, I saw that as a failure. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve started to realize that all of that pressure that I put on myself wasn’t worth it. Yes, I may have gotten into my dream college, but afterward, I wasn't as happy as I thought I would be. Because my whole life had been focused on getting good grades and being afraid of failure, I really struggled emotionally when I first started college, especially when I received my first B on a paper (I know horrifying, right?). I realized that there was no possible way I could keep up my record of being a “perfect” student anymore while also experiencing so many new things in college. I was learning so much in the classroom, but I learned even more in my own personal life. That’s when it really hit me that even though grades are important, they don’t define who I am or determine if I’m a “failure” in life. At the end of the day, life is so much more than a grade that you get on an exam in a class you probably won’t remember in 5 years.

3. Stay true to your beliefs and your values

For some reason, I had this idea in my head that I needed to completely reinvent who I was when I started college. I thought people wouldn’t accept me for who I was, so I tried to change myself as much as I could. I went out 3-4 nights a week, drank all the time, and hung out with people that didn’t really care about me at all. However, whenever I spent time alone, I just ended up feeling horrible because I knew that the “party girl” version of me wasn’t who I was at all. I’m the girl that would rather stay in on a Friday night and read a good book, have a chill night in with her friends instead of going to a bar, and who does not subscribe to the idea of “hookup culture.” After about a year of pretending to be someone I truly wasn’t, I was so exhausted from keeping up the act. I started to become more true to myself. Yes, this may have meant that I lost some friends and relationships along the way, but I would rather just be my authentic self and have people just love me for me. As cheesy as it sounds, just be yourself when you get to college. It’s easier and you’ll attract the people that are really meant to be in your life.

4. Never let someone else determine your worth

This was probably one of the hardest lessons I had to learn. As I mentioned previously, I tried to be someone I wasn’t in college. I didn’t love myself for who I was and thus I was so attracted to getting attention from other people, especially boys. Therefore, when I got into a relationship my freshman year of college, all of my self-worth was reliant on this one person. It took me going through a really messy breakup to realize that your worth is not determined by anyone but yourself. Honestly, you can’t really love someone else unless you fall in love with yourself first, as Carrie Bradshaw once said. You are worth so much more than what other people think of you, I promise.

5. It’s okay to make mistakes

As Hannah Montana wrote, “Nobody’s perfect.” So how come we start to beat ourselves up if we make one mistake? So you’re late to one meeting. Is it really the end of the world? Are you going to change the course of your future all because you’re 5 minutes late? Maybe someone might get a little annoyed at you, but they probably won’t really care all too much. There is no one person on earth who is perfect. If everyone was perfect, the world would honestly be pretty boring. Mistakes are the things that allow us to learn and grow; they shape us into better people. You’re going to mess up sometimes and that’s okay. Look at mistakes as an opportunity to better yourself overall.

6. Your health is the most important thing

I feel like there is so much pressure in college to say “yes” to every opportunity that comes your way, whether that may be the frat party your friends are pressuring you to go to or a club that keeps sending you so many emails telling you to join. But if you start to attend every event or thing you are invited to, it can become tiring and draining. We all need to spend time to ourselves to focus on self-care and the things that we love to do. Don’t let your mental health take a back-burner in your life. You deserve to make yourself a priority. It’s okay to say “no” to a party if you need to have a chill night just watching Netflix. If you don’t take care of yourself, eventually you’ll find yourself completely burnt out and not feeling like the best version of yourself. This is your sign to please show some love to yourself because you have definitely earned it.

7. Friends and relationships will come and go but your family is forever

I know if you live in a different state or area than your family it can be difficult to stay in touch with everyone when you are so busy with your life at college. However, I urge you to find at least 10 minutes a week or so to chat with your parents or another family member on the phone. Sometimes we can forget how important our family is so it’s nice to just check in and catch up with them. They will definitely appreciate a little life update from you. It’s also nice to just talk to someone you are familiar with when you are meeting all of these new friends in your life at college.

8. Embrace the change and challenges that come in your path

People oftentimes resist change, myself included. Sometimes I get so used to a certain routine, that it’s difficult to adjust to something new. But college is a big change and even once you graduate, you’re going to have to learn to deal with change. I encourage you to embrace change instead of resisting it. New changes in our lives can be great learning opportunities. No matter what you are going to face challenges in your life that are going to force you out of your normal routine. It’s good to take a risk once in a while and just change up your lifestyle. Maybe go on that study abroad trip you’re too scared to take or apply for the job that you never thought you could do. No matter what happens you’re going to take something away from the experience in the end.

9. Enjoy your alone time

As I mentioned college can get pretty busy, especially in the dorms when there are tons of people around you 24/7. But the truth is you don’t need to be with someone all the time. It’s good to take time for yourself. I remember that I used to judge myself so much for going out to dinner by myself a lot. I thought people would think I was weird for eating alone and not going with a group of friends. In reality, probably no one even cared or thought twice about me eating alone. It was honestly just me thinking that I had to be around people all the time otherwise I wasn’t having the “traditional college experience.” However, there’s nothing wrong with being alone whether you’re choosing to be alone or not. Alone time is an essential part of recharging and discovering more about yourself. Even if you feel bad for no one inviting you to hang out during the weekend, use that time to invest in yourself and do the things you love. Also, remember that there are so many other people that probably are spending a lot more time when they would like alone too; you are not alone.

10. Have patience

This is something I still struggle with to this day. It’s hard for me to just sit back and let things happen like they are supposed to. When I got to college, I had this idea in my head that in the first week I got there I would meet a whole friend group and figure out exactly what clubs and other activities I was going to do. I put so much pressure on myself to make it happen, then when things didn’t go as planned, I was devastated and disappointed. It takes time for things to happen. It took me a while until I found people and clubs where I felt like I truly belonged. Things don’t just happen overnight. Waiting may be hard and painful, but it will be worth it in the end.

Whether you are starting college or just ending college, I hope you can resonate to some of the lessons that I talked about. A lot of these things took me a long time to realize and most are things I still struggle with sometimes, so just remember (as I said before) to have patience. College is one big learning experience so take all the opportunities that you can even if some of them are more challenging than others. I discovered so much about myself in college and I can’t wait to continue to explore and learn so much more in the next stages of my life.