F**k Cancer

In my college essay I wrote that hearing the words “You have cancer” for the first time was the worst moment of my life. But it turns out it wasn’t true because hearing the words for a second time was so much worse.

In November, I finished a yoga class and started having pain in my left upper rib. As someone with horrible health anxiety, I already began freaking out, however, after going to the doctor, he truly convinced me I had just pulled a muscle or bruised my rib. Fast forward to the next month. I just got back home from going to Italy with my family when the pain in my rib worsened and I started to feel shortness of breath. Because of how anxious I was, I ended up going to the hospital, but again, they found nothing wrong with me. So, at this point I just assumed I was just going crazy and tried to just go on with my normal life. Things were all good until the end of February when my doctor suggested I go to a rheumatologist to check to see if it could be autoimmune related. I ended up getting an X-ray, which is when things took a turn for the worse.

A doctor calling you at 8:30 PM on a Sunday night is never good news. He told me I had fluid in my chest surrounding my lungs and he wasn’t sure why. Since he was really concerned, I went in for a CT-scan the next day. On March 4, my whole life changed once again. I was told that there was a tumor that was destroying my left rib and causing fluid to fill up in my chest. At first they thought my Hodgkin’s Lymphoma came back, but after tons and tons of tests (which took FOREVER) I found out I had Ewing’s Sarcoma which is a rare bone and tissue cancer. Nine years of me being cancer free and then all of a sudden I was sick again. I was told I would have to undergo nine months of chemotherapy along with a surgery to remove the tumor.

It all felt unreal, and to be honest, it still does. I just finished my first round of chemo last week and then I have about 3-5 more rounds before I’ll have my big surgery and then more chemo after that. Although I don’t really feel super positive, I am doing my best to stay hopeful and try to see a light at the end of the tunnel. The next year ahead of me is going to be very tough, but I am grateful to have the most supportive family and friends surrounding me. They have made the past month and a half of my life a little bit better, especially my parents, my sister and my amazing boyfriend, who have been by my side every step of the way.

As much as I wish I had some wisdom to share with you all about all of this, I really don’t have much to say right now. I am still very much angry and upset about everything that is happening to me. When the time is right and I’m all done with my treatment, I hope I will be able to use my experience to help and inspire other people. For now, I am just focused on getting healthy again and being able to live a normal life again. :)